Who's Your Daddy?
by Cantinera
Summary: The gang discovers Cordy is pregnant, but who is the father?


Title: Who's Your daddy?   
Author: Cantinera   
Email: nicedream@rocketmail.com   
Content: Hints at Cordy/Various others (although I am a C/Aer) and Gunn/Gwen hints   
Summary: The gang discovers Cordy is pregnant, but who is the father?   
Spoilers: Up until the most recent ep, "Inside Out." And minor casting rumors for next season.   
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No   
infringement is intended, no profit is made.   
Distribution: Anywhere, but let me know.   
Feedback: yes, please. Any kind.   
  
  
Nobody was prepared for this; nobody saw it coming. Never mind that the actress was already showing and   
it was getting harder to hide – nobody was noticing. Nobody.   
  
Everyone stopped dead in their tracks, staring at the pregnant woman making her way down the stairs,   
walking into the hotel lobby where everyone stood. She was pregnant. Very pregnant.   
  
"What happened to you?" Wesley asked, growling through his manly, morally ambiguous stubble.   
  
"I'm pregnant, you dumbass! What else? I'm also evil and acting strangely, but nobody seems to really   
notice that." Cordy answered, stumbling along, rubbing her abdomen of evil which protected her evil   
spawn.   
  
"You're pregnant!" Fred exclaimed, conveniently ignoring the last part. "I think I heard of this once in one   
of my classes."   
  
"Girl, you know everything." Lorne said, sipping the ever-present seabreeze.   
  
"I know," Fred said meekly, "I'm very smart like that. I've also become quite the vixen this season.   
Pregnant women can't be vixens, Darla's dead and Gwen wasn't cutting it, so I got the title. Nobody likes   
that electric-girl"   
  
"That's what you think." Gunn mumbled under his breath, aware of what would possibly happen in the   
future episodes, much to the delight of Syn.   
  
"What was that?" Fred asked.   
  
"Nothing, my on-and-off-due-to-stupid-love-triangles-this-show-seems-to-need baby," Gunn said, quickly   
recovering, "but what is up with pregnant Cordy? Wasn't she supposed to be not pregnant a week ago, if I   
pay attention to the clothing we've been wearing."   
  
"Maybe it's two weeks?" Fred suggested. "I don't know anymore. After all, I managed to curl my hair   
during an Angelus crisis, so who knows how much time has passed."   
  
"Cordy…" Angel stuttered, "you're…. pregnant."   
  
"That's right. And evil" She said, scowling to side to prove it.   
  
"What was that?" Wes asked.   
  
"I don't know, honey, but I need another seabreeze." Lorne said.   
  
"You haven't finished that one." Fred said.   
  
"Who cares! I always need a seabreeze." Lorne said, walking away.   
  
"Cordy's having my baby!" Connor shouted from the back of the room. "You all may hate me, but she's   
having my baby and I'm going to have a real family now."   
  
"Um, Angel, you should've sent the kid to school to learn some math and all about babies," Gunn   
remarked, "since there is no way that baby is his."   
  
"You're just jealous since she's mine!" Connor shouted. "And I hate my father."   
  
"Let's not get out of hand here, Connor. We aren't sure what's going on yet, so maybe we should calm   
down." Angel said in his best fatherly voice.   
  
"I hate you! My life sucks because of you!" Connor shouted. "I'm going to be a father now, and I'm going   
to be better than you!"   
  
"Connor!" Cordy scolded as she wobbled forward, "I may be evil, but that's not nice. Sure, I seem to want   
to separate you from your father in some evil plot, but I still have to call you on it."   
  
"What did she say?" Fred asked.   
  
"Not sure." Gunn mumbled under his breath.   
  
"So, ex-higher being, who is the father?" Lorne asked, sipping on a seabreeze.   
  
"Why it's Connor, of course. Sure, it doesn't really add up, it's disgusting, it's weird, and I'm really just   
manipulating him to be my moronic minion, but that's my answer and I'm sticking to it."   
  
"Eww." Fred said, scrunching her nose.   
  
"No, that cannot be! Anyone but Connor!" Angel shouted. "Not my son. I look too young to be a grandpa. I   
mean, it's hard enough comprehending someone who looks as young as I do having a kid, but a   
grandchild? We are enough of a freakshow as is!"   
  
"That's my line, you freak!" Gwen said as she sauntered into the hotel, pulling up a satin glove, swaying   
her hips, before winking at Gunn. "Hey Denzel."   
  
"Hey baby, I'll talk to you later."   
  
"I'll show you how a freak does it."   
  
"Get mah freak on, biznitch!" Gunn howled, slipping into ghetto mode.   
  
Gwen winked and continued her freak-walk out the front door, blowing a kiss Gunn's way. She was a   
freak. A major freak.   
  
"So, anyway," Cordy started, "I have a baby on the way, and it's Connor's kid. Sure, I'm distracting you   
from my evil plot this way, but it's Connor's."   
  
"I didn't quite catch all you said, Cordy," Wes started, ignoring any possibility that something un-  
Cordylike was going on with Cordy, "but I did hear you say Connor was the father, but it doesn't make   
sense."   
  
"I'm going to be a father and you can't stop me!" Connor shouted, before turning towards Angel to blame   
him again for his rotten life. "It's all your fault!"   
  
"Don't listen to LaLa, sugar," Lorne said, sipping a seabreeze, "she'll corrupt your pretty little head with   
this 'It's all Angel's fault' business. And try to seduce you, too. You don't need anymore kids, bub."   
  
"But, why Cordy, why?" Angel said, perfecting his brood which some would claim was a mope due to the   
fact it was not about Buffy. "I thought you loved me."   
  
"Hello, Angel – I'm evil! EVIL! I will put you in a trance with my evil breasts! Besides, you never said you   
loved me." Cordy said.   
  
"I didn't catch the first bit, but I'm sure it was something you were trying to distract me from finding out.   
Anyway, I never said I loved you even though I did because they won't let me. Cordy, you know you are   
the woman I—"   
  
"Nyeaaaarck!"   
  
"What was that?" Angel asked, looking around.   
  
"Probably a writer." Fred said. "They have to throw a bone to other shippers, you know. How else are they   
supposed to remain ambivalent to some while pretty much showing you in another ship."   
  
"Whatever, Fred. I'm EVIL! E-V-I-L! EVIL!"   
  
"I didn't catch that, Cordy." Wes said.   
  
"So, who's the father, again?" Fred asked.   
  
"I want you all to believe it's Connor's since I'm evil and want to be shocking. I want to be disturbing. I   
want you to know I'm EVIL!"   
  
"Could it be mine?" Angel asked, ignoring the evil talk.   
  
"Yours? How?" Cordy asked.   
  
"Well, you know, I had that dream."   
  
Cordy walked over to Angel, rubbing her stomach. She had to prove she was pregnant, and the protruding   
belly wasn't enough. She was evil.   
  
"Doesn't matter; it was dream sex." Cordy said.   
  
"Well, I had a kid who was never explained properly, so it could happen."   
  
"Angel, dude, you aren't the father." Gunn said.   
  
"I am! I can prove it!"   
  
"How?" Fred asked.   
  
Angel was stumped. He needed to prove he was the father or his chance with the woman he l—(sorry, but   
he couldn't say it) would be gone forever. And he, while not being able to say it, was definitely in love with   
her. All his actions proved this, no matter what some said. Of course, some would try and prove Angel was   
still in love with someone he barely spoke with, but that happens.   
  
Still, there was a pressing issue at hand here: just how did one prove to be the father of a child in a fanfic?   
  
"I'll prove it by…" Angel started to stutter. "By…"   
  
"By what?" Cordy asked, crossing her arms above her huge, womb of evil in an evil manner.   
  
"By…" Angel took in a deep breath. "By lactating."   
  
Hey, that's how Buffy did it in fanfics, so why couldn't Angel?   
  
"EWWW!" Everyone yelled.   
  
"Please, Angel, no lactating." Cordy demanded. "I'm not even that evil."   
  
"Well, I didn't catch that last thing you said, but I will lactate! I will prove I'm the father of this child!"   
Angel yelled.   
  
"What about if I lactate?" Spike said, walking in, ultra-cool, his presence overpowering the rest of the fang   
gang. "Will I be the father of kitten's child then?"   
  
"Spike, what are you doing here? You aren't even rumored to appear till next season (if there is a next   
season)." Lorne said.   
  
"Well, I'm here to show how great of an addition I'd be to the show. And to prove I'm the dad by   
lactating."   
  
"Oh my God, there will be no lactating." Cordy stated. "And Spike?"   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Get lost till they put you here. This shouldn't be a crossover."   
  
"Right. See you." Spike said, walking away in such a cool manner Angel couldn't help but be jealous.   
  
"So, who is the daddy?"   
  
"It could be Fred." Gunn suggested.   
  
"What?" Everyone yelled.   
  
"How could it be… mine?" Fred asked, shrugging.   
  
"Well, some tend to think it's an overused plot in fic, so let's just go with it." Gunn said.   
  
"Really? I always impregnate Cordy?" Fred asked. "Is that possible?"   
  
"Well, if Boy Wonder here can believe he has a miracle child growing in surromomma's womb, anything   
can happen." Lorne said, taking a sip from his seabreeze.   
  
"No, Fred can't be the father." Angel said sadly, realizing how anyone was more likely to be the father of   
the baby. He couldn't have two miracle children, especially when they never explained the first one   
properly.   
  
"How about Wes?" Lorne asked.   
  
"We haven't even spoken since some time last season, let alone been in any situation where I could've   
impregnated her." Wes said, rubbing his manly stubble of moral ambiguity. "Besides, I've been too busy   
shagging Lilah to prove I'm in a moral dilemma."   
  
"Okay, so it's not Wes." Lorne said, sipping his seabreeze.   
  
"How about me, princess? It fits the time, if I've done my math properly."   
  
Everyone turned to stare at the Groosalug, grinning his big goofy grin at his princess.   
  
"Oh, great. It's Grooey." Angel said, sadly realizing the child would never be his.   
  
"Hi everyone!" Groo said, smiling as he waved at everyone in the room.   
  
"Hey." Everyone said unenthusiastically, not wanting to re-visit an old, Season Three Plot, even if Groo   
was a preferable love interest to Connor.   
  
"Sorry everyone, but I got lost in this place called Disneyland. Such strange creatures, wearing tacky   
costumes and singing cheerful songs." Groo said, staring off into space. "Anyway, it makes sense for me to   
be the father, I think. Fits the timeline better."   
  
"It's my child!" Connor shouted.   
  
"Please," Groo said, using some of the sarcasm he picked up towards the end of his time with Cordelia,   
"even I'm smart enough to see how that doesn't add up."   
  
"It's all Angel's fault!" Connor shouted.   
  
Cordelia continued to glare at everyone, especially Groo. He had no part in this storyline, and he was just   
stupid enough to foil her evil plans. Sure, Connor was dumb, but in the way she could dupe him. But the   
Groosalug? He just might ruin her evil plans. She was evil.   
  
"Leave!" Cordy shouted, commanding Groo to leave.   
  
"As you wish, princess." Groo said before exiting out the door, conveniently leaving the storyline. Again.   
  
"So, who is the daddy?" Angel asked.   
  
"It's me!" Connor shouted.   
  
"Please, Connor, I have more of a chance of being the father." Lorne said.   
  
"You're the father?" Wes asked.   
  
Everyone turned to stare at Lorne, then Cordy.   
  
"Please," Cordy said, "I'm evil, not stupid."   
  
"Omigod, you're evil!" Angel yelled. "I knew it. You tried to distract me, but you couldn't. Now where's   
Cordy?"   
  
Cordelia just stared, before keeling over and breathing in accordance with the Lamaze Handbook for Evil   
Deities. She was ready to give birth. She was evil.   
  
"Breathe, Cordy!" Connor said. "Breathe while I pour the blood of a virgin who resembles my mother on   
you."   
  
"What?" Angel said.   
  
"Hee-hee-hoo!" Connor breathed out, looking at Cordy.   
  
"Dear Lord." Wes said, rubbing his stubble.   
  
"You're evil." Angel said quietly. "You distracted me, but now I know. You're evil. And I'm going to have   
to kill you."   
  
Cordy breathed evilly, staring at Angel evilly, manipulating Connor evilly. She was evil.   
  
"I have to kill the woman I—"   
  
"ARGHH!" Cordy shouted, her head falling to the floor as a white light poured out of her.   
  
Everyone in the room was blinded by the light; it was shining so brightly. Evil light. Evil.   
  
Before Angel could do anything to avenge his Cordy, he stared at the woman before him. She was the evil   
being inside Cordy. Evil.   
  
"Gina Torres!" Lorne shouted. "I'm, like, a huge fan."   
  
"Thank you." She said in her best fallen goddess voice.   
  
"It's Zoe! You rock! I'm so mad at Fox for canceling Firefly." Fred shouted, before looking around.   
"Where's Mal?"   
  
"He's on the other show." She whispered before walking forward.   
  
"That's my daughter?" Connor asked, looking at the goddess in awe.   
  
"Wow, you are dumb." Angel said.   
  
"Hello Connor." The Whedon actress formerly known as Zoe said, once again using her goddess voice.   
  
"Not to be rude, Connor, but I don't think you and Cordy could make a black woman." Fred said.   
  
"Yeah, how odd…" Wes said.   
  
For a moment the gang started to think. Yeah they were thinking, just like they used to and haven't done in   
awhile. Those thoughts started to churn in their head, leading them to a conclusion.   
  
Everyone turned and stared at Gunn.   
  
"What?" Gunn said, looking around, acting innocent.   
  
"I'll kill you." Angel said.   
  
"Whoa, calm down, Angelcakes." Lorne said, sipping on a seabreeze. "Let Gunn explain himself.   
  
"Yes, you better. Quickly." Wes said, trying to perfect his look which showed he didn't give a damn   
anymore.   
  
"Well…" Gunn started, trying to figure out how to say it.   
  
"Yes?" Fred asked.   
  
"Well," Gunn continued, "how could a brother not hit something as fine as that when it was in your office   
every single day? Dayuumnn! Y'all fools! Yeah, I got with Cordy. Ghetto Gunn is in da hizouse and he   
was the smart one! Y'all dumb for not pursuing a fine piece like that. Peace out, now. I'm gonna go get me   
some electric ass."   
  
And with that Gunn walked out the door.   
  
"Well, Angel-honey," Lorne said, walking towards Angel, sipping on a seabreeze, "did you learn your   
lesson?"   
  
"Yeah." Angel said, slowly walking towards the lobby couch to sit down. "I have."   
  
"And what's that?" Fred asked.   
  
"Play to win?" Wes asked.   
  
"You have to finally say the L-word?" Connor inquired.   
  
"Be careful of evil deities hijacking your potential girlfriend's body?" Gina Torres said, using her best   
goddess voice.   
  
"Watch your friends?" Lorne asked.   
  
"No," Angel said," but those are all good ones."   
  
"Well, what is it then?" Fred asked.   
  
"No more pregnancies on the show!" Angel shouted.   
  
"Even if the actress his pregnant." Cordy said, popping her head up before falling back into her coma.   
  
"Booyaaah, foo'!" Gunn said, peaking his head back in the hotel door. "Now you know, shiznatty."   
  
The End. 


End file.
